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Kiss the Girl

Remember that girl I mentioned before?  The one I sit behind in English?  The one I like?  Her name is Gloria.  She’s the one whose mom teaches at the same elementary school where Cheyenne teaches.  Well.  Yeah.  She and I are supposed to kiss!  Yeah!

Let me explain:  We’re doing a school play; its this collection of Shakespeare scenes, all from different plays.  Its got high school and middle school kids in it.  Well, I signed up for it and, of course, with my name I get teased a lot for it, but I don’t care.  Anyways, in this one scene, I’m playing Theseus and she plays Hippolyta and I’m supposed to kiss her!  Its the beginning of the scene and we walk out holding hands – omgosh, her hands are so soft, feel so good in mine – and then we walk downstage together and we’re supposed to kiss before we sit down.  I couldn’t believe it when Ms. Dieckman told us to kiss each other.  We didn’t do it, of course.

But I wanted to.  I really think I did, atleast.  But I know she didn’t want to.  I don’t think she likes me that way.  I’m pretty sure of it.  I just need to find out for sure.  Well, I don’t want to find that out, of course; I mean, who wants to find that sort of thing out?  But I NEED to find out!

I talked to Danny last night after play practice about it.  He’s known that I’ve always liked her.  He’s the only one I can talk to about all of this.  He’s the only one I can tell.  We talked for like an hour last night after practice.  He’s a really cool guy.

Peace out.  I’ll let you know what happens next.

What to call my dad at school…

Its a bizarre thing having your dad as the English teacher in your school.  He teaches eighth grade.  I’m in eighth grade.  So its just weird.  He’s the only English teacher who teaches Honors English too, so I have to be in his class since its an honors class.  I never know what to call him.  It feels natural to call him Dad, but to say that is strange too when your at school.  But it feels totally bizarre to call him by his teacher name.  That’s just insane crazy weird.  Nobody else is quite in that situation.  There’s a seventh grader whose mom is the principal.  And another kid whose mom is the vice-principal, but they don’t actually have their parents as a teacher.  There’s this other girl in honors English too whose Mom teaches elementary school, the same school where Cheyenne teaches kindergarten.  I should talk to her about it.  She must have went through something like this back then.

Here’s the thing, though, its hard to talk to her.  I sit just in front of her.  And she’s really really pretty.  But I can’t ever turn around, can’t talk to her.  And she’s so popular.  She’s got so many friends.  When I’m close I feel all those butterflies and things that people feel when they like somebody.  I guess that’s what it is.  But maybe I could use that whole parent-as-teacher thing as something to get us talking.

And no I didn’t have to pay up on the bet yet.  And no I’m not going to write down what I bet either in here!  Its way too embarassing, so don’t even ask me!

Another weekend in San Diego

Well, I got to spend my second weekend in a row in San Diego.  Last weekend, my dad took just me over to watch the World Baseball Classic.  We saw Japan beat Cuba; they went on to beat Korea last night to win the whole thing.  That’s pretty cool for them.

Anyways, on this trip, my whole family went.  I guess I can say its my whole family.  Cheyenne and her kids went with dad and Pickle and me.  Its weird to call them my family.  Don’t get me wrong at all.  I love those guys.  Its so awesome having another set of twins around.  Spenser and Symon are Cheyenne’s kids, and they are kinda like my little brothers now.  That’s pretty cool.  And JoeyLyn is their little sister and she’s pretty cool too.  I’m really starting to like her.  She can be annoying at time, but overall, she’s really cute and fun to have around.  And Cheyenne isn’t bad either.  Not really.  Its actually nice having a woman in our house again.  But its hard too.  I can’t call her mom.  That’d be wrong.  Way wrong.  That would be like forgetting Mom.  I can’t believe its been three years since she died.  That’s insane.  I still miss her so much.  Its like she was ripped away, ya know?  No kid should have to ever lose his mom.  That’s just wrong.  Way wrong.

Anyways, Dad and Cheyenne called in sick for work Friday, and we took off Thursday and stayed right through Sunday.  I don’t think Cheyenne minded calling in sick at all, but I could tell Dad felt guilty about it.  He never really does that.  Well, Cheyenne never does either, but I think with the whole pink slip situation, she just really does not care that much right now.  And dad cares, but he’s always trying to keep up appearances, to always do the right thing.  I don’t know.  All I know is that it felt really good to have him paying attention to me instead of all the other kids at school.  Sometimes I think he forgets that I’m his kid.  I get kind of jealous when I hear him refer to all the kids in his class as his kids.  There not his kids.  I’m his kid, and that’s different. Not that I’m a jealous person.  But he is my dad.  Does that make sense?

Oh, and one more thing.  About that Korea Japan game last night – I sort of kind of made a little bet about it with my friend Kyo from school.  Kyo’s real cool and he helps me with math and computers sometimes and I help him with English.  Well, he’s pretty cool and stuff and we got talking about betting on the game.  And we made this really stupid bet.  And its weird.  I knew Korea was going to lose, I just knew it, but I bet with him anyway.  I guess I just wanted to bet for the sake of betting.  And I lost.  And now I kind of have to do this stupid thing for him.  Ugh.  I’ll tell you about it later.  I guess.  Or maybe I won’t.  Its really embarassing.  Oh well.  Bye for now.

Peace out everybody.  Happy Tuesday!

Writing again …

I want to write.  But I’m not sure what to say.  I hate leaving this blog empty, like I have done for so long.  I want to have my voice.  But its hard.  What is a person supposed to say?  And who am I even to say it?  I’ve spent a lot of time the past few days reading over the blog and I keep feeling time and time again that I write pretty depressing posts.  Maybe that’s why I stopped writing.  I even looked at what I wrote yesterday and it sounded depressing.  Of course.

I wonder why I focus so much in my writing on what’s sad and depressing.  I looked at all the poetry I’ve ever written, and for the most part its all sad.  I only found one happy poem, the one about math and boys that I got in trouble for last year.  I need to write more like that.  But those are just fun and shallow.  My good stuff is deep and dark.

I think my story is a happy one.  I have a good family: my twin sister and my dad, and also my step mom and her kids.  In her,  I have even somebody who is sort of starting to take the place of mom, in some ways, though she’ll never really take her place, of course.

I’m fourteen.  Fourteen years old.  And life is good.  I have a bright future, despite the obstacles, and I’m doing good.  Life is good.  Despite everything, life is really really good.  Expect more posts from me.  I’m going to start writing again.  Writing again.

(For my friends: this blog is changing just a bit as I renew it.   It was always intended that the blog would be told from the point of view of Shakes, but my real life always tended to get mixed in too.  From now on, the blog will still incorporate elements of my real life, but they will be incorporated into the broader role play.  I’ll no longer speak here as my rl self; only Shakes will get a voice here.  Some truth.  Some fiction.  All me.)

Pink Slips

I haven’t seen my dad cry in a long time.  He cried two years ago,  just before we moved to California.  He cried again Friday after school, though.  And he cried again tonight.  Friday was a bad day.  Him and Cheyenne – that’s my step mom btw for those of you who don’t know – both got pink slips from their jobs Friday.  They’re both teachers; that’s why we came to California, because they got teaching jobs here.  We moved all the way across the country for them.  He tried to hide it on Friday.  And he tried to hide it again today.  He looked so ashamed, like it was his fault.  But it isn’t his fault, or her fault either; this is all happening because of the California budget cuts to education.  I guess its because of the crummy economy.

He was feeling pretty crummy after that and decided to take me to San Diego to see the World Baseball Classic.   Just me, though.  Pix and Cheyenne both stayed home.  We both love baseball; it makes us feel better.  It connects us.  He seemed ok for the most part, but on the drive home after I fell asleep, he started crying.  I wasn’t really asleep.  I kind of slipped off into that place between sleep and awake for a few minutes, but I could tell something was wrong and it brought me back out of it.  He was breathing that way you do when you sob, and he kept wiping his eyes.

Its funny.  I saw tons and tons of birds flying north tonight.  When it was still daylight.  Before it got dark and the whole sleep/not sleep thing happened.  I mean, there must have been thousands of them flying north for the summer up there.  Just tons and tons of them, all flying in unison.  I wonder how they know where they’re going?  I wonder how then know when its time to back up and head home again?  I mean … its just so amazing to think that they suddenly get this feeling and they know the time is right.

I think that’s how our family feels right now.  Like the winds and temperatures are channging, and we’re trying to figure out if we’re supposed to head home now.  I don’t know if we are.  Dad says there is a good chance he’ll get called back; he’s on the top of the list.  And Cheyenne is on the top of hers too.  I’m not sure exactly what that means, though, being at the top of the list.  They said if just one of them gets called back, we can survive for a long time on one income.  They tried to explain it to me and Pickle.  But its hard.  I don’t really understand what this means for me.  Or for us.  I think things will be ok, but I just don’t know yet.  Its all so hard to understand from this perspective.  I don’t like seeing my dad cry.

What do YOU want for Christmas this year?

I hope this made you laugh!  But its also serious.  I want to know!  What do people want for Christmas?  What do YOU want for Christmas?  Leave a comment and let us all know!

Disappearing blogs and friends

Its funny.   Blogs in SL are dying.  I look at friends in SL who haven’t written in their blogs in months, one hasn’t written in his blog in over a year.  I wonder, though, lately if its the world around me dying, or if its me that’s dying.  The kids community in SL is thriving.  There are lots of kids events and shows and dances and publications.  Its just that I’m not part of it anymore.

Mattie logged in for a few minutes yesterday.  It’d be easier if he wouldn’t do that.  Log in for just a few minutes just so he can disappear again.   He doesn’t realize the affect that has.  Its as though I have the friends I made two years ago still, but I really am not in touch with the new kids who come along, even though they are the hi-profile kids with lots of friends now.  I log in to SL mostly to see those friends, usually kikai friends, who I love most dearly.  I’m not there to make new friends really.  Not that I’m against making new friends by any means, but its just that I’m a bit introverted lately and spend most of my time when I am in SL fiddling around the island.

I’m feeling really somber and down today.  It’ll pass.  I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.  Actually I kind of do know what’s wrong.  I feel like I’m being pushed away by a certain person, and then also I feel like that person is mad at me because I’m neglecting her and not around enough.  I’m there a lot.  Every day.  Every night.  If I pull this person close, then I get pushed away.  If I run away and hide for a little while, then there is this guilty feeling laid on me for not being there.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  No matter what I do, I’m messing this up.

I’m just tired.  I’m just in a down place right now, and it will get better.  Its ok.

Peace out.

Kissing Under the Mistletoe

Kissing Under the Mistletoe

Danny and I (and Spens and Sy too) have been spending some time at the Christmas cottage the past few days.  We have been really getting into the spirit of the holidays.  I love this time of year.  Spenser spent some time decorating and Danny installed a new snow-maker that is really really awesome!   Merry Christmas!!

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

Danny and I spent some time together today in the house, just relaxing and being together.  Laughing and cuddling.  We watched some cartoons and youtube stuff together.  Danny had never seen teh 1966 classic Grinch cartoon, so we watched it together.  I love that cartoon.  I watch it every year around Christmastime.  It was a good day.  I’ll need to show him some of my other favorite Christmas classics as the holidays get closer.