Pink Slips

I haven’t seen my dad cry in a long time.  He cried two years ago,  just before we moved to California.  He cried again Friday after school, though.  And he cried again tonight.  Friday was a bad day.  Him and Cheyenne – that’s my step mom btw for those of you who don’t know – both got pink slips from their jobs Friday.  They’re both teachers; that’s why we came to California, because they got teaching jobs here.  We moved all the way across the country for them.  He tried to hide it on Friday.  And he tried to hide it again today.  He looked so ashamed, like it was his fault.  But it isn’t his fault, or her fault either; this is all happening because of the California budget cuts to education.  I guess its because of the crummy economy.

He was feeling pretty crummy after that and decided to take me to San Diego to see the World Baseball Classic.   Just me, though.  Pix and Cheyenne both stayed home.  We both love baseball; it makes us feel better.  It connects us.  He seemed ok for the most part, but on the drive home after I fell asleep, he started crying.  I wasn’t really asleep.  I kind of slipped off into that place between sleep and awake for a few minutes, but I could tell something was wrong and it brought me back out of it.  He was breathing that way you do when you sob, and he kept wiping his eyes.

Its funny.  I saw tons and tons of birds flying north tonight.  When it was still daylight.  Before it got dark and the whole sleep/not sleep thing happened.  I mean, there must have been thousands of them flying north for the summer up there.  Just tons and tons of them, all flying in unison.  I wonder how they know where they’re going?  I wonder how then know when its time to back up and head home again?  I mean … its just so amazing to think that they suddenly get this feeling and they know the time is right.

I think that’s how our family feels right now.  Like the winds and temperatures are channging, and we’re trying to figure out if we’re supposed to head home now.  I don’t know if we are.  Dad says there is a good chance he’ll get called back; he’s on the top of the list.  And Cheyenne is on the top of hers too.  I’m not sure exactly what that means, though, being at the top of the list.  They said if just one of them gets called back, we can survive for a long time on one income.  They tried to explain it to me and Pickle.  But its hard.  I don’t really understand what this means for me.  Or for us.  I think things will be ok, but I just don’t know yet.  Its all so hard to understand from this perspective.  I don’t like seeing my dad cry.