Writing again …

I want to write.  But I’m not sure what to say.  I hate leaving this blog empty, like I have done for so long.  I want to have my voice.  But its hard.  What is a person supposed to say?  And who am I even to say it?  I’ve spent a lot of time the past few days reading over the blog and I keep feeling time and time again that I write pretty depressing posts.  Maybe that’s why I stopped writing.  I even looked at what I wrote yesterday and it sounded depressing.  Of course.

I wonder why I focus so much in my writing on what’s sad and depressing.  I looked at all the poetry I’ve ever written, and for the most part its all sad.  I only found one happy poem, the one about math and boys that I got in trouble for last year.  I need to write more like that.  But those are just fun and shallow.  My good stuff is deep and dark.

I think my story is a happy one.  I have a good family: my twin sister and my dad, and also my step mom and her kids.  In her,  I have even somebody who is sort of starting to take the place of mom, in some ways, though she’ll never really take her place, of course.

I’m fourteen.  Fourteen years old.  And life is good.  I have a bright future, despite the obstacles, and I’m doing good.  Life is good.  Despite everything, life is really really good.  Expect more posts from me.  I’m going to start writing again.  Writing again.

(For my friends: this blog is changing just a bit as I renew it.   It was always intended that the blog would be told from the point of view of Shakes, but my real life always tended to get mixed in too.  From now on, the blog will still incorporate elements of my real life, but they will be incorporated into the broader role play.  I’ll no longer speak here as my rl self; only Shakes will get a voice here.  Some truth.  Some fiction.  All me.)